Plans changed because my stomach has just been in knots today and I needed to share about that instead. I have been actually feeling sick to my stomach and on the verge of tears a few times today. It's due to what is going to happen tomorrow...
Tomorrow is Connor's first day of kindergarten. His first day in the big school. His first day going to a place that I am not alowed to just walk into whenever I feel like it. His first day saying good bye to me outside and walking off without me. I can't seem to control the, "what-ifs" that are going through my mind.
What if no one talks to him and he is too shy to talk to someone else? What if he leaves the class to go to the bathroom and can't find his way back? What if no one sees him standing off to the side and he misses the bus? What if he starts chewing on his shirt (a terrible habit he has started) and someone teases him? What if he gets on the wrong bus? What if...??? Who will help him find his way? Who will hold his hand if/when he gets nervous about something?
Five years and almost three months ago he was placed in my arms for the first time. With his dark blue eyes and a head full of dark hair. I can still feel that moment. The knowledge that I would always take care of this baby boy.
It didn't take long before he decided to be a bit independent, but I was always behind him when he looked back.
Last year, I was still behind him for the most part. I was able to spend as long as he wanted me to at his school.
I know I have to let him go. I know that he will be fine. I know that no matter what happens during his day, he is resilient. Unfortunately, knowing doesn't seem to be quite enough for today.
Keep your eyes posted tomorrow for a first day of school update!
dont worry! he has his big sister to help him to his school!
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