Even though he is my fourth...

Side note: I began this post on Sunday but before I could publish it I got side tracked. With four young kids that tends to happen a lot! That's ok though, I realized today I wasn't "finished" with it anyway....

A comment that is often heard to come out of my mouth is, "Ah, he's the fourth child..." You know what I mean? If Katelyn's binky dropped it had to be scrubbed clean before she could have it back, poor Ben lives by the 5 second rule (or by the twelve hour rule). Katelyn didn't get gum until she turned 4, Maggie was 2. You get the drift, right?

The other day Mr. Ben grabbed my Twizzler and stuck it right in his mouth and loved it! The kid won't eat food but he loved this. Not that it says too much because he loves chewing on shoes too, EEEWWW!

Since he's my fourth child and all, I let him keep the Twizzler until it started to break apart. (NO! I don't let him chew on shoes, I do have some standards forcryingoutloud!) Anyway, back to the point at hand. I let him have it for a while and he was not happy at all when I took it away. (I will talk in another post, another day, about the scream that Ben has recently realized he can make and get good attention for.)

(This is where I was planning to end it the other day.)

A little bit ago I was sitting on the couch watching Ben play. The other monkeys were outside so Ben had more freedom then normal, which he loves. After a little bit he came over to me, pulled up to standing and fussed to be picked up. I scooped him up and put him on my lap and began to sing to him.

He just stared at me with the most peaceful and beautiful blue eyes. His eyes reminded me at that moment how important I am to him. He trusts me with every bit of him. Unconditional trust. Unconditional love.

It's truly amazing how much trust and love my children have for me. When I was pregnant with Connor I was so worried that I could never love another child as much as I love Katelyn. I hoped I could but yet, I wasn't sure. But, in that moment when he was placed on my chest, I knew that was something I never needed to be worried about. A parent's heart really does grow with every baby that is born. It would never run out of love for his or her child.

Back to today though. Ben was looking at me with those beautiful eyes. My eyes filled with tears over the love that I have for him and he has for me. Then he laid his head on my chest and fell fast asleep. Only an amazing love and trust could make someone do that, even a baby. I wished that I could sit in the chair forever holding him while he slept. Smelling his sweet head and hearing him breath in complete relaxation.

So, the reason I am glad this was not posted was that I didn't feel it was "finished" until now. Yes, I am definitely more relaxed with my fourth baby. I let him do things I wouldn't have let Katelyn do. I give him twizzlers. However; he is loved just like he was my first baby. I adore him just like I adore my other children. He trusts and loves me like my other children do.

Even though he is my fourth....