I'm gonna miss this...

When you open up my blog music automatically plays, turn on your speakers and you will learn a lot about me just by listening to the music I have chosen for my blog.

Not long ago I added "You're Gonna Miss This" and that song explains to a "T" how I have been feeling lately and trying to live my life by. I repeat it to myself so many times a day, during the good and the bad moments.

I am gonna miss this, almost all of it, some day. There once was a time when my house was pretty much always clean. Dishes never in the sink. Laundry never piled too high, and clothes always put away. My bed never went un-made.

Now, my house only stays clean for a short time. It is rare that the sink is free of dishes. There is always at least a load of laundry to do, and forget about it being all put away. My bed is made on rare occasion.

Some day, my house will go back to being this way. But I know I am gonna miss this. These moments in my life. Moments with four young children running around and so loud. Moments when I am trying to get dinner ready and home work done at the same time. Moments when I am trying to think but little ones are talking a mile-a-minute telling me about a dream, their day, or just making up a story.

Some day the kitchen will be quiet and I will make dinner un-interrupted and I will wish I had a toddler under my feet, a preschooler telling me a story, or a little boy asking me for a glass of chocolate milk. Some day I will drive down the road, no little ones in the back seat talking non-stop, and wish I had someone in the back chatting with me. I am gonna miss this and I know it.

I already miss so much, like holding a newborn baby in my arms for hours on end. Nursing a baby in the middle of the night when the whole house is dark, quiet, and so peaceful. I struggle a lot with the fact that my baby days are over. I will never pee on a stick with great anticipation for the two pink lines to pop up. I will never give birth to another miracle. It's funny, my brain knows this is the right thing for our family but my heart hasn't figured it out yet. I just wish they could get on the same page. I wish I had that feeling of "oh yeah, we are definitely done having children, I am all done!" but I don't think I ever would. I love babies, that's just a fact. (I plan to volunteer at a hospital when I am an old lady just rocking babies, I hope that's possible.)
I wish that I had realized the enormity of the statement "Enjoy it because it goes by so fast" when people told me this before I had Katelyn. I wish I could go back and really take time to enjoy my first couple of babies as much as I did the last couple. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy them so very much but I was always looking ahead and not living as much in the moment. With Maggie and Ben I realized just how fast it goes and therefore I had so much more patience for middle of the night feedings and I didn't always look for the next milestone. I enjoyed the current milestone so much more. I am not sure if this makes sense to you as it is hard to put into words.
For now though, I will try to keep reminding myself that I'm gonna miss this and live in the moment, the moments go by so fast. I will go to soccer five days a week and enjoy sitting on the side lines. I will sit down with kids and work on homework. I will listen to stories, dreams, and anything else they want to talk about. I will give more hugs and kisses than I can count and take as many as I can get.
I love this, I love my life, the good times and the bad times. The quiet peaceful moments and the loud crazy ones. The soft gentle hugs and the big bear hugs.

This is my life and when it calms down I know I am gonna miss this.